Thoughts on control issues
I knew someone some years ago whose mother left a great deal to be desired. The mom often used guilt to try to control her daughter. On top of this, the mother had never been much of a mother, even abandoning her daughter for a number of years. After that she would drop in and out of her daughter’s life, usually looking for something when she showed up. When these reunions happened, the daughter would try her best to please her mother, even giving her money, hoping against hope that this would encourage her mother to become the kind of mom, friend and person she always wanted. I still know this family, and her dream has yet to come to pass. She still is trying to please her mother.
Control issues are like a two-sided coin, there are those who believe if they can control others — even the world — they would be happy and so would everyone else. Then there is the other side of the coin, those who believe if they can please everyone out there, they would be happy and so would everyone else. Both are untrue. After all, Jesus is “the way, the truth, and the life.” (John) I don’t recommend you thinking too hard on a couple who get married that is the opposite sides of this coin. It is not going to be pretty.
If I think I have to please everyone to be happy, how can I please God? If the premise of the Christian life is loving God, then my first obligation is to honor and live for God. God can be pleased, and the first blessing is that when I honor God with a sincere faith and an obedient life, I also please most (but not all) of the people in my life. The second blessing is that I can more easily let go of the burden of attempting to please those in my life who can’t be pleased. (It is good there are not many of these.)
The biblical principle is simple, only God can make people happy, satisfied, complete. Controlling or being controlled doesn’t do it, only a heart filled by God. Control issues are a spiritual problem, solved only be seeking our “Amazing Grace” God who sets us free to live life fully. As the Bible also says in John, “The truth shall set you free!”
Let God be God, and then I just have to be me. This I can do.


